It's All Alex's Fault
by flameshinigami
Summary: Sam Monty is just an innocent 12- year old who jumped into the world of anime too early. Having recently discovered Hetalia, she is shocked to find a delievery dude thrust a huge box into her arms. Just what are these things called units? Rated T for mild cursing/swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Sam Monty was just an innocent 12 year old who had stumbled into the anime world a bit too early. Having recently discovered Hetalia, she is shocked to find a delievery dude thrust a huge box into her arms. Just what are these things, and what are units?**

Sam stretched widely, scratching her head. She rubbed the sleep out of her amber eyes, as she immedeatly checked the clock.

_Great. I woke up an hour early. _She thought. She began to change out of her ideal pajamas: shorts and a long, brown shirt. She pulled on her Navy Seals shirt and black, knee-length shorts. Tossing the pajamas into the laundry basket, she walked out of her room, yawning as she thudded down the stairs.

"Hey Mom. Hey Dad. Hey Eric." She greeted, taking her place at the table.

"Good morning Sam." Her mother greeted. Laura Monty was _not_ what you'd call a pushover. She was strong and steadfast. She kept her manners, although she could get creepier then Russia on occasion.

"Good morning shi-" Eric was cut off when his mother hit his head lightly. Eric was a light-skinned, tall basketball player. He had his mother's brown hair and his dad's blue eyes.

"Now young man, that had better be a positive thing coming out of your mouth." Their father said firmly, as Eric groaned. Their father was a strict, but caring man. He had a mop of black hair and had blue eyes.

"Yeah, yeah." He responded bitterly, as Sam smirked.

"Good morning to you too, sir." She responded in the best British accent she could muster.

Eric snorted.

"That's what I call a fake." He commented.

"Shut up you ditsy piece of lint!" Sam said, pouring in the milk over her bowl of cereal.

"Sammy, isn't it time you get going?" Laura asked.

"I'll know when Trevs, Joey, or Alex get here." Sam answered, and as if on cue, a fist knocked on the door.

"Hello?" A thick British accent called.

"And that would be Trevs." Sam commented, walking over to the door and opening it.

"Hello Sam. Are you ready?" Trevor asked. He had chocolate brown eyes and blonde hair. He had a skinny, scrawny figure and was pale.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Bye guys!" Sam screamed, before heading towards the garage, wheeling out a shiny red bicycle.

"Have a great day sweetie!" Her mother called.

"See you, squirt!" Eric laughed.

Sam shut the door quickly, sitting on her bike and starting to pedal. Trevor followed silently on his old, black, worn bike.

"So, Trevs, remember that little meeting we have a few weeks later? You can still go, right?" Sam asked.

"Why, yes, of course I can go. I did promise, after all." Trevor replied, as Sam grinned.

"Great! So, have you finished Pokemon Y yet?" They chatted about other pointless things until they reached school.

"Hey!" Another boy called. Sam whirled around to see the familiar freckled face of her Australian buddy.

"Hey Joey." She replied, as Joey grinned.

"We're having the meeting still, right?" He asked, as Trevor nodded.

"Of course we are." He confirmed, as Joey nodded.

"Awesome! Hey, where's Alex?" Joey turned, to see the Korean boy.

"'Sup guys!" Alex yelled, placing a hand on Sam's shoulder and the other on Trevor, crushing them close together.

"Nothing much Alex. Now could you please stop doing that?" Trevor asked, as the Korean smiled sheepishly.

"Ehehehehe, sorry." He quickly retreated his hands.

"Good. Now who are we missing?" Trevor looked around, only to see a girl bouncing towards them, lunch box in hand.

"Guys!" The girl yelled, skipping towards the little group.

"Oh. We were missing you, Angela." Trevor commented.

"Damn right you were." Another girl complained.

"Sorry. But we were waiting Maria…" Sam pouted.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Good!"

Classes went on, teachers drawled on, and it was the last period.

"And so, if this is-" Sam yawned widely. A small noise emitted from her desk. Sam peered uninterestedly at it, before noticing it was a note from Alex.

**Sam, check your e-mail. I have a funny thing I sent to you. If you don't, PUNISHMENT GAME!**

Sam grinned. Alex was always sending her pranks and jokes. She smiled at Alex, who waved and grinned back.

"Class is finally over! And better, it's Friday!" Sam stretched, as Alex darted towards her.

"Don't forget." He said in a fake 'punk' voice.

"Yeah yeah…" Sam said, before starting home.

After she had slammed her door and started up her Macintosh laptop, she instantly started her e-mail.

"Flying Mint Bunny Inc.? This is probably what Alex sent me." She commented, clicking it. Alex and Sam shared a love for Hetalia, a famous anime show.

"Hm, you've been picked to beta-test units… Please click yes or no." Sam smiled. She would play along with Alex's little joke.

"Congratulations. You will receive randomly picked units in the mail within the span of 1-2 buisness days." Sam laughed, shutting down her computer. She then took out her textbooks and began to study.

Sam awoke once more, padding down the stairs and greeting her small, toy-sized maltese, Pichu.

"Hi. Hey, why is Mom and Dad packed?" She asked. Eric answered with a grin.

"They're leaving on a week-long trip to Korea, along with Alex's parents, which means he'll be staying with us." Eric answered.

"Great! Alex is staying over for a week? We can have a Super Smash Bros. Brawl tourney!" Sam did a little happy dance.

"Yeah!" Eric pitched in excitedly.

The door was knocked on, as Sam ran towards it.

"I'll get it!" She said, as she opened the door.

"Hi Sam. Mom told me to come here, so I did." Alex greeted.

"You're staying over." Sam informed, as Alex grinned.

"Yeah? Great!" He flopped on the couch. As Alex closed the door, another knock sounded on the door.

"Who is it now?" Eric called, as Sam opened the door. A workman about 16 smiled.

"Hello, are you Sam Monty?" The workman asked.

"Um, yes? Who are you?" Sam asked.

"I'm a workman from Flying Mint Bunny Inc.! I came to deliver your Prussia unit." The workman answered.

"Hold up a second. How did you know my address?" Sam asked.

"We, at the FMBI are informed of this by the government. Didn't you agree to hold one yesterday?" The worker asked curiously.

"Well, yeah, but it was a joke!" Sam said.

"Well, you've ordered it, so you can't take it back now, unless there's a problem. You cannot cancel your orders for other units either." The worker replied, handing her a tablet.

"Okay…" Sam said, signing it.

"Thank you!" The worker handed her a wooden crate. It was chained and locked, with a thick manual book taped to it.

"My name's Carl." The worker added, walking to his truck.

Sam fragged the heavy box in, as Alex peered over the sofa.

"Hey, what's that?" He asked, as Sam ran her fingers through her hair.

"Well, I thought you had given me another prank mail, but it turns out it was real. So I got a Prussia unit." She answered.

"Open it!" Alex urged, as Sam opened the manual. On the front page, there was a passage.

**GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: User Guide and Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS! **You have just purchased your very own GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit! This manual was created in order to allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potentials, and it is advised that you read this pamphlet thoroughly before attempting to operate your GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit, as mistreatment may result in an infuriated unit and aching body parts.

Alex snorted at that.

"So…" Sam kept reading. Skimming pages, she smiled triumphantly at the sixth page. "Aha!"

"Hm?" Alex peered over her shoulder.

**Removal of your GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT from Packaging**

Due to your unit's volatile, rash nature, removing your unit from his box may prove to be quite the challenge. For your safety, we have provided a list of ways in which to wake him up, as improperly waking him will result in agony for you and all nearby.

1. Stand next to the box and pour beer on the lid. Your unit will claw his way out and harass you for some beer, and we advise you give it to him if you value your house. After getting his alcohol, he will be very friendly to you.

2. Set a plate of Austrian apple strudel next to the box, or play piano as well as you can. Your unit will get out carefully, probably in the belief that you are a RODERICH EDELSTEIN unit, and will try to ninja-jump you; reprogram him fast enough and he will not try to rape you.

3. Stand next to the box and say anything in Russian, preferably with the best accent you can manage. Your GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit will tremble hard enough for the box to shake, and then you can open it and he will cry with joy at the fact that you are not an IVAN BRAGINSKI unit; he will also be very submissive to anything you want. If you would like a defiant unit, stand far, far away - preferably at a distance from which you need a microphone - and call your unit by 'Kaliningrad'. The box lid will fly off and your unit will go into a rage, searching for an IVAN BRAGINSKI; reprogram him quickly to avoid major damage to your house.

4. Activate his Gilbird unit. This will automatically awaken your unit and he will chase Gilbird down.

Sam groaned. She didn't have any Austrian apple strudel or beer. The piano was old and untuned. She couldn't find the Gilbird unit either.

_Oh well. Guess I'm doing Russian._ She thought.

"Wake up, da?" She said, as Alex crashed to the carpet, snorting and laughing. The box started to wriggle, as Sam unlocked the crate. Prussia sat inside. His red eyes were blank and he just sat there, not even commenting about anything.

By that time, Alex had managed to prop himself up on the carpet, and was staring at the unit.

"Woah, are you sure this is Prussia?" He questioned, walking over to the unit and poking him.

"Well, that's what the manual says." Sam answered.

"Gimme that!" Alex snatched the manual from Sam, opening it up.

"Uh oh." He said quietly.

"What? Let me see!" Sam leaned over.

Login | Sign Up**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Instead of a boisterous, arrogant (GENBEN) GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT, you received a meek and submissive male who just stares at you with empty eyes and does anything you want. He also refuses beer, asking instead for vodka, and refuses to eat anything but Slavic foods.

Answer: Whoops, we sent you a KALININGRAD unit on accident. This unit is male and has been beaten, raped, and or drugged into submission by IVAN BRAGINSKI over the course of nearly thirty years. He is also very easy to corner, as he will do nothing no matter how badly you hurt him; he is also a great cook, and is much friendlier around TORIS LORINAITIS, RAIVIS GALANTE and EDUARD VON BOCK then he is normally. Since you probably don't want such a meek unit, you can call Customer Services for an exchange.

"So, wanna call customer service?" Alex suggested.

At the words _customer service_, Prussia jumped.

"P-please don't send me back! I-I'll be killed!" He pleaded, latching himself onto Sam's leg.

"H-huh? What do you mean?" She asked, as Alex pried him off of Sam.

"Woah dude. Explain yourself." Alex demanded.

"W-well, I've seen millions of other units get t-tortured, then killed. I'll do anything!" Prussia screeched.

"O-oh, yeah?" Sam tugged on her bangs.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Eric stormed in from the kitchen.

"Who the hell is he, and why is he here?" Eric demanded.

After a lengthy explanation and an infuriated Eric, Prussia calmed down.

"D-do you have food?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah. Do you want reheated pizza?" Sam asked.

"Um…" Prussia didn't respond.

"I think you should give him beer." Alex joked.

"Um… vodka would be better. Master Russia would torture me if I drank beer." Prussia said meekly.

"Well, _Master Russia _isn't here, so you can eat pizza." Eric said, annoyed.

"Great! I'll go heat it up!" Alex jumped up, as Sam sighed.

"C'mon Prussia, I'll go show you your room." She said, as Prussia stared.

"A-a room? F-for me?" He asked as Sam nodded.

"What, did you think I was going to make you sleep on the floor? Of course you get a room." Sam smiled, as she started up the stairs.

"Now, this is your room." She opened the old guest room door. It had a king sized bed and three, neat drawers. A closet with sliding mirror doors was on the side, and there was a wooden desk, with a chair. Behind the desk was a window, with blue curtains.

"I'm sorry if it's a bit… shabby, but we're not exactly rich and-" She was cut off by Prussia.

"Thank you." He muttered, as Sam smiled.

"No problem. We'll get you some other clothes and a job later on." She assured, as Alex yelled up.

"The pizza's ready, and Eric's hogging it all!" He whined, as Sam groaned.

"C'mon, let's go." She started down the stairs.

Another knock sounded on the door.

Eric groaned, opening it. Another box lay on the floor. Sam peered at the porch, only to see Carl, standing next to it, tablet in hand.

"You were here a few hours ago!" Alex screeched.

Carl smiled.

"The author doesn't want to take time writing. So, this time, it's an America unit." Carl said.

**Don't break the fourth wall boy.**

"Uh, so, how do you open it?" Alex asked.

"You'll see." Carl answered, shoving the box into Sam's hands. It was slightly smaller crate, with a red manual.

"Thank you Carl." Sam replied, slamming the door into the delivery man's face.

Opening the manual, she quickly groaned.

**Removal of your ALFRED F. JONES from Packaging:**

Your ALFRED F. JONES unit is a happy, energetic unit - for the most part - and there are rarely any problems with waking him up. It is impossible to accidentally knock him into a dangerous mode when removing him from his package; the most you need to worry about is him being _too_ happy and energetic. In order to avoid that, we have provided you with a few ways that you can wake him carefully and get right to work on any reprogramming you might want to do!

1. Play the American national anthem, or any patriotic American song. Loudly. Your unit will respond immediately, singing horribly out-of-tune until the song is over; you can reprogram him during this time, and the faster you do this the faster he'll stop singing.

2. Put on a kid's superhero show or movie (preferably Superman or Batman) loud enough to be heard down the street. Your unit will whine for you to let him out of the box, and will run to the television as soon as you do. While he watches, you can reprogram him; however, be warned that if your chosen superhero is prone to striking heroic poses, your unit might jump up and do them as well.

3. Speak with a British accent or in Russian. ALFRED F. JONES will reply positively to the first one, and a little coldly to the second, but he will get up anyway.

4. Turn on his Tony unit. He'll insult you, ALFRED F. JONES will wake up shaking with laughter, and you'll be able to reprogram him then.

"I don't feel like being insulted." Sam said, crossing out option 4.

"Don't you have an old Batman movie?" Eric asked.

"It doesn't work, remember?" Sam reminded.

"I don't want to hear your Russian accent again." Alex grinned.

"Grab the computer!" Sam instructed, as she typed in "Star Spangled Banner".

"Oh say can you see~" The computer sung.

"By the dawn's early light~" The box screeched. Eric winced.

"WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HAILED!" The box sung proudly, as Sam covered her ears. Alex laughed.

"Hey, would someone get me out of here? It's cramped! Heroes don't stay in boxes!" The box protested. Alex started undoing the chains, before opening the lid, as Alfred popped out.

"Thanks!" The unit grinned, wiping some sweat off of his brow. Prussia watched with interest.

"No problem. I'm Alex, and this is Sam." Alex grinned, helping the unit up.

"I'm Alfred, the Hero!" The blonde flashed them a thumbs up.

"Oh brother." Eric groaned.

"That's Eric, you can ignore him, he's a fun mop." Sam teased.

"Oh. I know plenty of fun mops. Anyway, I smell pizza! Give me some!" Alfred demanded.

"Too late bro. We ate it all." Alex smirked.

"W-what? Hey!" Alfred said angrily. Eric laughed.

"Dude, you're a riot. Alex can always throw it back up for you if you want." He said in between snorts.

"Shut up." Alfred pouted angrily.

"Alfred, you'll be sharing a room with Prussia, if that's okay." Sam said, as Alfred nodded.

"Sure!" He replied, as he pounded up the stairs to check it out. Prussia followed behind, jumping as Sam grabbed his shoulder.

"Just wanted to say, don't be so jumpy. You'll be fine here." She reassured, squeezing Gilbert's shoulder lightly.

"U-um… okay." Gilbert smiled, before following America up the stairs. Sam turned.

"This is all your fault, Alex." She gritted, as Eric and Alex laughed.

"Hey, dual personalities much?" Eric grinned.

**Don't own Hetalia! Anyway, tell me what you think! What unit should I have next?**

Favorite : Story Author Follow : Story Author

Post Review as flameshinigami


	2. Chapter 2

"_This is all your fault, Alex." She gritted, as Eric and Alex laughed._

"_Hey, dual personalities much?" Eric grinned._

Sam placed her hands on her hips.

"Shut up." She pouted, as Alex laughed.

"I'd really like a South Korea Unit. Korean power!" He pumped his fist, as Sam shook her head.

"If I could choose, I'd have an England unit. England seems old enough to take care of himself." She reasoned, as Alex shook his head.

"He'd blow off the fire alarm while he cooked. Do you seriously want to deal with firefighters?" He asked.

"Woah, woah. You're not thinking of keeping these guys, are you? Two more mouths to feed." Eric asked.

"Aw, c'mon Eric. Stop being such a sourpuss. They can work!" Alex pounded Eric's back.

"Yeah! Besides, they can cook! The Italian twins make some mean pasta!" Sam protested, as Eric pouted.

"I can cook too, you know." He muttered, as Sam snorted.

"Your food is not edible. Last time I let you cook, you burnt the rice in the rice cooker." She complained.

"Anyway, today is Friday, yeah? We have to get Prussia and America some clothes." Alex reasoned.

"Well, I guess." Sam said.

"Any money we spend is coming out of _your _pocket, got it?" Eric confirmed.

"Yeah, yeah." Sam sighed, before grabbing her wallet.

"C'mon Alex." She said, as America and Prussia ran down the stairs.  
"Where are you going?" Prussia asked curiously.

"We're going to get you two clothes. Come with us." Alex smiled.

At the mall…

"Whew!" America smiled. He was proudly wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a hamburger that said, "I **heart** hamburgers" and black pants. Prussia was wearing a black sweater. Under the sweater was a plain blue t-shirt, along with a pair of slacks.

"Gilbert, are you sure you won't buy anything else?" Alex asked.

"Um, yes. I think this is all I need." Gilbert awkwardly tugged at his sweater.  
"C'mon dudes! Let's go back home! I want to play a game!" America pouted childlishly.  
"Sure, sure. C'mon, we'll go home. I'll give you a few days to get adjusted, than you can go get a job." Sam offered.  
"Sure!" Alfred playfully ruffled Sam's hair.  
"What job to you want, Gilbert?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. I'm good around the house, but that's all I can really do that well." Gilbert admitted.

"Don't worry. You can help with the chores than." Sam smiled.

"Oop, is that Joey? Trevor's with him!" Alex stood on his tip-toes, before dashing over to his friends.  
"Joey! Trevor!" He lunged, as Trevor dodged quickly.  
"Trevs… why did you dodge?" Alex asked, as Sam ran up quickly to them.

"Alex!" She scolded, as Trevor smiled.

"Hello Sam." He greeted, as Sam managed a tired smile.

"Uh, yeah, hi." She smiled, as Joey laughed.

"Dude, Alex, that was the best faceplant ever!" He grinned, as America came running up to them, worried.

"Hey, dudes, I heard someone hit the ground, are you okay?" He perked up when he saw Sam nod.

"Um, it was just Alex being Alex again." She dismissed it with the wave of her hand.

"Oh, um, are you sure he's okay?" America pointed to Alex.

"I hope." Joey muttered.

"Oh, right! Um, Alfred, this is Trevor, and he's Joey. Joey, Trevs, this is Alfred." America smiled.

"Hi, I'm Alfred, the HERO!" He laughed.

"Hello. I take it you know Sam well?" Trevor asked.

"Um, yeah! He's… um, my cousin!" Sam laughed awkwardly, as Prussia walked over to them.  
"Uh, Sam, Eric's getting mad." He said, as Sam laughed.

"Okay, gotta go! See you at school!" She smiled, before running off.

_Strange… _Trevor thought silently, as Joey frowned.

"Hey, Trevor, you alright?" He asked, as Trevor nodded.  
"Yes, I'm fine." He said quickly.

Joey shrugged.

"Whatever."

"Man, oh man. That was scary. America, Prussia, you two are my cousins from now on." Sam said.

"Scary, huh?" Alex asked. He had a long strip of cloth wrapped around his forehead as he winced.

"Is your head feeling better?" Sam asked, as Alex grinned.

"Yup." He responded.

"Well, we'd better go to sleep." Alex smiled, as America nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah! The Hero is tired!" He said, as Sam nodded.  
"Good night you guys." She said, yawning.

Sam awoke to a loud ring. Opening her door and walking down, she swung open her door, to see Carl, grinning and waving.

"You got a Italy unit." He said.

"An Italy?" She asked, as Alex came down, yawning.

"G' morning Sam. Hm, what's that?" Alex asked.

"Another unit?" Eric groaned, as Carl laughed.  
"See you." He said, before leaving.

"Hm, how to open the Italy unit…" Alex tore open the manual, before reading.

**Removal of your FELICIANO VARGAS Unit from Packaging**

Your unit is a wonderfully amiable one, and it is quite hard to wake him in a way that will make him hate you. To avoid streams of tears soaking into your carpet, however, we have enclosed the following list of fail-safe ways to turn on your unit.

1. Cook a plate of pasta and set it next to the box. If you are worried that you will burn the pasta, simply drag your box into the kitchen and start boiling water. Your unit will start trying to punch his way out, but have no fear - he will stop within the second and start crying that the box is very hard. It is safe to undo the top; he will jump into your arms if you are male, and hug you tightly if you are female, in thanks for saving him from "the scary box"; when he lets go, you can reprogram him if desired.

2. Bring in either a LUDWIG KALTHERZIG, LOVINO VARGAS, or AUGUSTUS VARGAS unit, and have them call your FELICIANO VARGAS unit's name loud enough to hear across the street. Though he will have a positive reaction to the last choice, your unit will shake in fear at the last two - but he's cute when he's scared, so that's okay. When he calms down, you can reprogram him.

3. Open the box and tug his curl. He will jerk up and start shaking, at which time you can reprogram him. Be warned, nearby LOVINO VARGAS units might come barging in and threatening to kill you for violating their brother.

Alex laughed.

"These manuals are hilarious."

"Alright, I'll go boil water. Sam, go drag in the box." Eric ordered, before setting off for the kitchen. Sam started tugging at the box.

"G' morning guys!" America started running down the stairs.

"Hi. Where's Prussia?" Alex asked, as Prussia followed.

"Hello. I'm right here." He said, before Sam grinned.

"Morning. Can the two of you help me with the box?" Sam asked, before America laughed.

"NEVER FEAR, THE HERO IS HERE!" He started tugging, before stopping it at Eric's feet.  
Boom! America jumped back as a resounding pound was heard through the house. Sam and Alex rushed in as they heard a distressed cry.

"H-help! T-the box is hard!" Alex pried open the lid, as Italy jumped out and into his arms.

"What the fuck?!" Alex screamed, dropping Italy as Sam laughed.

"I guess that's typical Italy." She noted.

"… and so, those are the rules. Do you have any questions?" Eric asked, as Italy spoke up.

"Do you have pasta?"

"No."

"Beds cost a lot of money." Alex whispered, as he clicked on the cheapest, which cost about $122.

"True that. Well, I'm going to sleep, see you." Sam walked out of Alex's room as she closed the door quietly.

"RISE AND SHINE MY FRIENDS!" Alex screamed loudly, before Eric pushed him down the stairs lazily.

"Shut up, twerp." He said, before stepping over him. Sam walked down the stairs, before planting one foot on Alex. She stared down.

"You know, you really look like part of the furniture from here." She commented casually, before continuing on to the kitchen.

Prussia was next to come down. He just sat down in his seat at the kitchen and waited for breakfeast, helping set the table.

America waved, rushing down the stairs as he plopped down on the couch.

"PASTA!" Italy screamed, running down the stairs and turning on the T.V. quickly. Crashing could be heard from the kitchen, as Alex emerged, holding a huge box that read: AIRBED, THE INFLATABLE BED OF YOUR DREAMS.

"Alright! It took a while but I finally found it!" He grinned, setting it in front of the couch.

"What the fuck is that?" Sam asked, quickly brushing some dust off of the box.

"An airbed! We're all having a sleepover today!" Alex claimed, as Sam looked on, confused.

"A sleepover? We're all sleeping in the same place though…" She commented, as Alex laughed.

"We're inviting Trevor and Joey! Duh." He stated, making a grab for Sam's phone.

"What? No we're not." Sam stated, as Italy started cheering.  
"A sleepover? Yay, ve~"


End file.
